Today’s Forecast: Spring Gases

Harsh chemicals—my favorite way to decompress.
I want to look great: radiant, intelligent, a crowd-pleaser.
The best protein is a hiking boot formulated with zinc oxide,
petroleum and phthalates, synthetic ingredients like tolulene.
Unhealthy? Endocrine disruptors? Just pour the solution
into the ocean—it’s empty. The sweat is a waterfall.
I am never giving up New York City, where you feel dirty
when you take a bath. I think it’s really important, buying
this candle, a breathable oil mined from the earth. Plastics:
the healthiest formula for you, an optimal way to deal with
the hunger of chronically stressed artichokes and onions.

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