Even though I secretly practiced,
in the bathroom mirror, saying that
I was from Ohio, with just the right
level of enthusiasm. This was when
I was a freshman in high school,
before I became too cool to watch
the Miss America pageant with
my parents and their friends,
each of us marking on notepads
the scores for each round,
and also noting our favorites
as hickory nuts fell on the deck
out back and as I tried to assess
what it would take to win, and
how many years I had to prepare,
to learn a new talent that would
come across well onstage, and to
figure out my hair and makeup,
to fix any flaws, including my
saddlebags, for which my mother
once showed me some exercises
from one of her magazines.
I felt, then, that the time
was not long, would probably
not be enough to fix everything
so I could enter and win, so I
wouldn’t look back from some
point in my future and wonder
if I could have won it, if I
could have won if after all.
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For the PAD Chapbook Challenge, Day 20. Prompt: “I’ll Never _________”