Right away, I could tell she was looking for something—
or someone. Maybe me. We locked peepers. Hers were
agate-colored. Suspicious. Real shifty. She was a squawky
little broad. Made noises like she was hungry. But for what?
A hamburger sandwich? Shrimp DeJonghe? No, sir. It was milk
she was after—and she seemed to think I was a dairy cow, not
a cop. It took some doing, but I got her settled down. Real cozy.
By then, it was 2 a.m. Maybe even later. Time has no meaning
in a place like that, with the shades drawn, shutting out that
old apple, which always goes on with its sad business, even
when you’ve just met a babe like this one, a babe who will
change everything. As dizzy as I was for her, my partner
was just as whacky. Maybe even more. But that was
jake by me—he seemed to know just how to hold her,
what to say to get her all dormy any time she’d throw
an ing-bing, in that goofy way she had. Crazy kid.
What could we do with her, my partner and me?
We took her home, of course. Don’t get any
funny ideas. She’s our sweet pally, that’s all.
She’s aces. And that’s on the level.
NaPoWriMo, Day 9 prompt: Write a noir-inspired poem. I might say more in the comments later, but first, I want to see how many people get what I’m writing about and who the speaker is. Also, I’m linking for Open Link Night at dVerse Poets.
20 thoughts on “Chapter One (for NaPoWriMo, Day 9)”
And you sure nail the noir here, Marilyn!
Thanks! Fun with online noir dictionaries.:) As for the subject, it was really hard to keep it from getting inappropriately sexy. The ending is probably right on the edge.
You had me fooled up to the end.
What tipped you off, Laurie?
I guess when you started to mention your partner.
LOL. Looks like the right shape too! 🙂
Thanks, Karin — I saw the shape developing as I wrote this, and then I worked to maintain it. 🙂
Clever. Clever. Clever.
Thanks for the laugh — I knew at “hungry” and laughed at the development at the way through.
That was early! Glad I made you laugh — I had fun with it, too.
Maybe I’ve read enough of you to anticipate your twists?
That’s great! Thanks so much for getting to know me like that.
a babe who will
Aw, dang you had me. But it’s even better the second time through. I love the voice, and the pace. What fun!
Thanks so much, David. Glad I was able to fool you — and that you still like it after you got what I was up to.
What did you call her?
Betty! She’s now going on 8. 🙂
It took me a few reads through, but I got there in the end too…I think it was the ‘change everything’ that did it – and aprille’s comment and your reply clinched it….I am slow (but can relate to the partner!). A great write.
Thanks so much! Many of the details are true — the color of her eyes, how she looked at me, the weird, timeless quality of a hospital room, the fact that my husband was, in many ways, more relaxed with her than I was, and that feeling of, “Now what do I do with her?” (which I’ve been answering as I go).
the word “shifty” through me as well as “pally”… but the rest is pretty clear… once the mind gets “cleaned out” a bit 🙂
It was hard to stay in character without letting the tone drift where it naturally wanted to go. My daughter is no longer shifty-eyed, but when she was born, she kept looking around like she was casing the joint. 🙂